Your tits are I can't wait for
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I've blown a few things in my day
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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