Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
