saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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