I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
