Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
