How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
