i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
