genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
