Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
