Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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