It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
