So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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