pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
