Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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