hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize