If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
