I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize