I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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