Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
