So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
