just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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