She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
