I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
