Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
