I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
