At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
dude. I can hear the air.
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