some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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