Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
