What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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