I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
