Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
