I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
