We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
