I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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