dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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