gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
