i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
