I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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