woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize