I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
