you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
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