I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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