Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
