my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm like, not good at living.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
