I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You need a sexual gate keeper
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
