so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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