Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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