So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
