my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
no you cant smoke seaweed
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
