it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
