ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
