So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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