Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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