dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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