Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Success! We fucked roommates!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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