well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
