I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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