i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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