Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
