I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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