I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
