i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize