Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
