I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
