last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
