At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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