She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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