i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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