if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
