the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize