Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
