all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
