If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
