He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
