So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
