I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
