Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
