And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
