Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
