I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
