3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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