im drinking this country out of the recession.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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