Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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