I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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