First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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