mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
