Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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