Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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