At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
