now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
