you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
