Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
vagina is talking i cant
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
