You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
