Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so let's talk penis.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
