not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
