I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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