Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
