So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
