Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
